Saturday, November 27, 2010


Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. Eileen Mayhew

Do you know the feeling that seems like you've just been betrayed by yourself?
It's like something that you've hoped for so much and have been SO confident of , in a heartbeat , turned right into a deserted desert leaving you behind hiding in the dark corner whispering to yourself : " It's gonna be alright " when you know deeply in the core of your heart that NO IT'S NOT OKAY.
Everything is just ruined, gone and never you will have another chance to come again.
You get so angry and so depressed about yourself knowing that there is nothing that you can do anymore. You know it's not your fault. You prepared well , you prayed hard , you done everything you could and you did well every single time.
You feel a thunder striking towards the dark spot that your innocent helpless figure was hiding , the light shine onto that lil soul and at that moment you could see clearly how lost you are from the expression of your face.
You can feel every nerve in you, tense, but yet loosing grip as you feel like giving up. You know you can't give up but the voices in your brains and throughout your body refuses to react , they don't seem to want to follow your will that insists on moving on.
Maybe because of the sorrow that was too heavy to bear, the feeling of betrayal flooding your heart , the anger blinding your eyes , the pity expression your body holds towards receiving orders....
But at the end of the day,
the suffering will end.
The thunder and storm fades as well.
Feelings that were unbearable starts to retrieve.
The power of will takes control of everything once more.
And it all starts again.
Right from the beginning.
With no guarantee of a smooth journey,
with risk to be taken towards achieving your goals,
you chose to live.
This is life.
And I'm learning to walk it with the presence of God.

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