Monday, December 15, 2008

A Lesson Of Patience and Love

through another practice..
nowadays everytime I hear the word practice..
I get scared..
Because I believe there is much more they can do and they can do soooo much better than what they're doing now..
but from what I can see..
They just don't understand..
If they understood that all of this is For God.. It is ALL FOR HIS GLORY..
They won't be doing this like it's just a game and only if we're doing recording..
they 'll be all excited happy but they still don't do well..
This is what I call SELFISH.
I don't mean to say that.. but what else can I call this kind of act?
they joke around fool around and don't do well.. I'm all heartbroken .. wasting of time asking them to shut up and listen.. and they get mad at me?
What Can I do about this?
Let's not practice.. ain't that good?
aren't you happy now?
I'm so glad that I hold it down..and I thank god for not letting me shout n scream!
for my mind was exploding when they're all in noises..
Meanwhile , we still have one more fresh new scene to go.. but the first 4 is still a piece of CRAP when it is suppose to be an art filled with god's miracle ..
It's as if I'm on top of a hill that is so steep that I've got to grip tightly or not I'll fall..
everyone asked me to give up on the last scene.. give up on them..
I'm like no.. I trusted them.. I believed that they cud do so well..
and I am not going to doubt it.. it's not my decision to give up.. but god's decision..
only he can make me give up on them..
this is how things are now..
But I thank god..
why? Because at least he gave me these people..
Because without them.. there won't be this Musical..
and there will be no costume no nothing..
without them.. we will not be able to give anything to him after all his blessings.
I thank god for I can see full commitments from Jun Lv.. for he came from such a long distance for practices.. amazing .. god bless him..
n I thank god for giving me Eric Yan Yin Sing and Yee Kin .. they came nearly every practice..
I give praise to the lord for he have given me Mei Si , Sharon, SJ when I needed them the most..
I sing Hallelujah when god gave me Si Haw , SY and Rocky when I thought they couldn't help..
last but not least ..
I dance for he has given me Worm and Edgar to add up my faith..
In the end. I pray lord.. bless them all.. even when they didn't do well at all..
they haven't gave all their best.. as every1 can see..
they may be selfish when it comes to themselves..
but lord.. we are human..
Humans are weak..
Lord please show mercy and Be with us..
Don't give up on me..
lord , let me see ,let me see that you're smilling back at me..
Praise the Lord..
Lord, You Are My Shepherd.. From now towards the end of the world..
I end my blog today with a verse from the bible..
Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Indeed , my heart is crying out loud.. Crying in Pain..
I'm feeling as if my heart is ripping apart..
My eyes are teary.. my nose is blocking..
It's like a part of me is dying..
I'm losing strength..
People are selfish.. but .. how..
how can they be so incredibly selfish..
Don't they care.. care about how others feel..
I'm so tired of it..
God.. Please lord.. Please.. Save me..
the ones who have been mocked , that have been hurt by other because of you shall be proud of themselves..
but lord.. it's a painful and slow sluggish time..
When I'm talking no one hears.. no one give their best..
God.. You can see..
may you open their eyes as well..
when their practicing.. there are only complains complains n more complains..
why couldn't they just stop and listen ..
Time is short.. we're racing against it..
but they seem to not know..
they just do whatever they want hear if they're feeling good today..
n now.. their telling me.. they know their not good enough and they think theres not enough practice.. they're not good enough and as if I'm just a tool they'll find in use when they need it..
I gave all I could.. Time Brain power strength voice prayers..
but what have they did..
I really don't know lord.. I don't know how to move on..
There is a heart breaking thought of letting it go..
but when I think of what god gave me..
all the precious blessings..
I wish to go on.. I want to walk on..
I've poured out my love for them.. but they have not noticed..
lord .. I'm drying out of love..
lord today.. fill me with your love once again..
Give me strength ..
guide me lead me..
You have led me so far..
Don't give up on me..
Don't turn away from me..
Lord I pray that we can give our best to you..
And lord please forgive them..
they don't know what they're doing to me..
although I feel heart broken and I believe lord you know how it feels..
but lord.. today .. I pray for mercy ..
God forgive them forgive me..
Cover us with your precious blood..
I feel so tired.. no one.. NO ONE can understand..
I guess they will never know ..
I still want to give thanks although I feel so tired..
so sad.. I cried out so hard..
lord.. you are still with me..
and I believe you will not leave me..
Not now.. n Not ever..
lord today.. I've said it out..
for years I kept it to myself n between us..
in Jesus name I pray Amen.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thank God

I've been so busy lately..
For everything ..
Musical , fellowship , time for my friends , choir etc.etc.
I've used up all my time for these things.. but I forgotten one thing that is sooo important..
I've forgotten to talk to my lord , to learn his words..
Sins n wrongs I made I apologize to Lord..
Lord please don't take away all the hard times from me..
Because only through this I can come to you ..
But Please be with me when I am in it..
The Blood You shed for us 2000 years ago..
Lord today, please wash away my sins ( for not having a close relationship with you lately ) with your precious blood..
in Jesus name I pray . Amen .
Lately.. I have been listening to this song..
a Chinese Christian song..勇敢走出去..
it is so touching n I sang it in my heart everyday day to night..
for it had told me to go.. Just let go n walk out of here..
Go to the lost ones..
Bring love to them ..
I have been giving all I can.. for I know..
that's all I can do.. Let god do all the rest..
for He works in His marvellous ways..
I LOVE GOD so much that I feel that He fills me up with His love..
He's blessings cherish my everyday..
He is the Living Bread..
n I'm eating it.. I'm going to share it.
May all the ones who hears about the living bread do not hesitate to take a bite..
Eat him up..
Let him lead u guide u give u strength ..
let Him be your best listener n advisor..
Today I tell my friends.. You're blessed like how I am..
I am nothing today without my God my Lord my Shepherd..
Hallelujah.. Praise the Lord..
In His Love We are brothers n sisters and his name shall be told throughout the whole world..

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Amazing Grace

Past few weeks.. I hav been going through massive depression lost of faith and all kinds of sadness one person can go through in their whole life..
I have been thinking so much that I can feel that my brain is about to burst into bits..
but then I thought..
what else can I do but Pray..
so I prayed prayed n prayed even harder.. waiting n hoping for a miracle to happened..
but even more trial came to face..
I felt all the pressure and no one not even one person can feel or understand how it feels..
just when I thought..
since I prayed.. I told god that I want him to lead me and give me strength..
I shouldn't go all over it right? it's unfair that I say I'm giving him and letting him take control when I'm still holding on tightly..
so I let it go.. I skipped once.. I cancelled one practice..
my heart was breaking and it kept me awake at nights..
but I kept on praying.. n this is when I decided..
JUST LET IT GO.. LET IT BE.. I believe.. although I CAN'T.. but I believe GOD CAN !
Amen !
Through this week.. things fell into place.. it's so unbelieveble..
it gone so smooth and amazing..
I was shocked of this miracle work..
and miraculously today's practice went great and the best part of it was when 9 ppl attended today's practice.. which is out of my expectations..
It is truly a blessing.. and I truly believe god's blessings is more than enuff ^^
I told a friend of mine..
Although I lost my voice today due to shouting loudly about the play so that ppl cud hear..
but it still went great n it is sooo worth it..
Even though alot of ppl pulled out n even a friend I truly trusted..
I still walked on n with faith everything went well.. For sure He works in His way..
Although I lost faith halfway .. I told myself.. I really CAN'T do this.. but I believe GOD CAN..
n here it goes.. his blessings came pouring down like a waterfall..
it's just so beautiful and amazing..

I always like to say.. I am TRULY BLESSED..
further on..
I cried my lungs out to god when I was so depressed through the week..
it is as if I was so sad that I couldn't give my best to god..
so I told god..
If you want me to walk on this rocky road.. please lord..
Lead me n guide me.. Be With Me..
and now.. As everyone can see.. HE IS WITH ME..
what can I fear when he is with me.. what can hold me back if he wants me to go..
what can make me not go on when he is holding me..

but to take into account..
I wouldn't think it's just a happy thingy as she says..
it was a hard and a week filled with pressure and sadness crushing on me..
and Only after all the depression emptiness and faith test..
glory goes to Him n blessings cum slamming down hard on me..
this is how it goes..
the happiness don't cum without test.. without satan's trap..
but right after.. faith hope love n blessings cums running through every cell of yours in ur body..
and oh dear..
that is the one and only kind of peace n joy you can ever long for..
At that very moment..
I knew what heaven was n how heaven is like..
and from now on..
I could only pray for every step of mine is in His presence..
Pray that everything I do is a work that could glorify my lord's precious name
Praise The Lord..
take care everyone..
may what I share today is a blessing to the ones who received..

Friday, November 28, 2008

Amazing Camp

今天第一次用华语写心情日记。非常紧张 !! 哈哈!怕写很多错字 。 
嗯。。 刚从四天的华传营会回来,感受到很复杂的甜酸苦辣在心里。
然后也有机会更很多人拍照。呵呵!好开心。睿哲太可爱了! 没办法! 只好被我拖着拍照。 对不起啦。哈哈!家俊好可怜! 明明很累却还被逼跟我们几个轮流拍照。 真为他感到难过。 哈哈! 可他还真幸福啊!有我和倩雯两位美女跟他拍照。 嗨哟!太幸福了啦!这几天来都跟他们玩得疯疯颠颠。 太搞笑。。 无法以字来形容=D让美好记忆留在我脑海中慢慢的来来去去环游吧! 让美梦陪我度过每个黑夜!呵呵! 
okay.. thank god..
the trip was great.. nthg bad happened..
got alot of new frenz..
n it was fun with all da guys n gals in my villa n da villa opposite us..
it's juz so fun ^^ weee~!
hope we can all meet again.. =D

Friday, November 21, 2008

A Trip To Timesquare

hey ppl !! lolz..
finally updating..
okay.. so.. A trip to Timesquare..
woke up by 8 today..
got up took a shivering cold shower then went to watch cartoon while having breakfast.. after da cartoon I waited for Ke Xin's car to cum ^^
er.. she came by approximately 10am .. well.. obviously I was all ready..
so .. we head out..
lolz.. to tell the truth.. I'm super duper noob in LRT n monorail things..
so we actually arrived at Seri Petaling LRT station by 1010am.. n waited for Jien to cum.. lolz.. by 1015am Jien called n ask..
Jien :" Mana U? "
I was actually begging Ke Xin to ask back
JLoh : " U mana ? "
hahaha.. but in the end failed..
then.. I didn't noe we were in Seri Petaling LRT station. lolz..
if I had known I wud hav told her.. IT'S BUKIT JALIL LA!
but I didn't so..
we RAN N RAN LIKE MAD WOMENS.. Oops.. hahaha. LADIES..
n ahah.. wat'cha think..
lolz.. actually we had no luck.. so we missed it.. AHHH.. lolz
nvm.. we kept on gossiping while waiting for da LRT to cum
okay .. after a while gossiping n wondering how does the meter of the LRT works anyway ( which we did not get the answer ) the train was here !!
woo hoo~!
n so.. Called Jien again.. he said his frenz weren't here yet.. so we had to get down da cozy train.. ahh~! grrrr..
anyway.. we got down n when we saw them..
that's when da inner joke started.. lolz
Neva ever tell any1!!! I mean it !!
okay.. hahaha..
so.. when we got there..
went walking around.. had sum fun doing crazy dances.. weee~!
then had alot of fun laughing at Jien
Sorry la Jien.. lolz..
When we were having fun Jien was actually sick.. awwww.w..
heartbroken seeing him suffering.. T.T.. sobss..
then .. I accidentally hit his hand while he was taking his strepsils out..
n OMGOSH.. 2 ringgit when flying.. XP
then.. after that they went for movies..
on the other hand I and Ke Xin went shopping.. OUCH.. my purse sure do hurt.. hahaha
after the shopping met up with bestie n da INNER JOKE really made me bestie n ke xin burst into HARD laughter.. omgosh.. my skin stretched like mad.. hahaha
but after that.. they all wanna hav lunch but we 3 had n Jien was sick so we left da group n went CAMWHORING !! woo hoo~!
We took lots n lots of pictures due to boredness..
after that was juz boring n more boredom made me wanna vomit.. lolz
in the end I decided to bring my 2 bestie back .. so we left..
lolz.. so sad la.. Jien !!
love ya loadsss my dear ^^
take careee..
that was da trip to Timesquare.. XD

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Love Your Enemies

ahhhh~! going mad..
I felt soooooo frustrated this week..
I wonder how people don't get ashame of themselves for being bad , cruel , irresponsible .etc.etc.
I've got sooooo fed up lately.. normally I just get over it.. and tell myself.. everyone has a different way of living and everyone is different..
there's just nothing I can do..
but nowadays..
I feel so piss off ..
but when I was feeling so mad and when anger struck me.. suddenly I remembered God saying..
Love Your Enemies.. Love Your neighbours .. Love your brothers n sisters...
suddenly.. I dun feel so mad anymore..
but as my anger was fading I was thinking..
was I wrong to get mad at them?
at this moment.. I felt that as if the whole world was wrong and I'm the only one right..
but then I thought..
if today I were hav scolded them aloud or had eventually beaten them up today ( which is impossible ) ..
I would have been just the same as they are..
ain't that pathetic?
I hated them for what they did.. but if I did that.. I am to be the same as they are..
am I right?
Suddenly it's like a bright light shined into the dark side of my heart..
it made me warm.. it made me noticed that..
I don't have to hate them..
I just have to love them for who they are..
and everything would be so much better..
the world can have more peace..
but of course if they were to do something over the hedge..
I will not comprehend.. but I will tell them not because I don't like it..
but because I love them and I want them to know..
Love Your Enemies..
it isn't easy..
but when you're willing to try..
it is always waiting for you ..
Sorry , thank you , your welcome.
even these words are hard to say..
why love our enemies? cause when u hate them ..
you're making yourself feel the pain.. you feel annoyed , angered. etc etc..
anything but happy..
but if you were to love them..
you can go through your everyday happily..
we have to go through everyday whether happily or sadly.. so why not we live n dance through it happily?
love is truly amazing..
May god bless you today with my love and the love of our mighty lord..
I love you for God first loved me..

We love because he first loved us..

And thank god .. I am learning to love not just my love ones but my enemies and other people in this world..
Praise The Lord !!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

BANGKOK !! woohooo~!

Bangkok is a SHOPPING HEAVEN !!
When I was in bangkok ..
It was apparently shopping Shopping n MORE SHOPPING !!
hahahaa... omgosh .. everything there is like cheap n like I said CHEAP..
well.. even if it isn't cheap it was because the exchange rate of ringgit is higher !! weee~
ehem.. okay.. ermm..
lemme see... ppl in Thailand are SKINNY !! Even pregnant woman are thin..
lolz.. ENVY >.< .. haha.. so all the clothes there are in S or M size..
I was nervous when I got there cause I didn't know what language should I speak and would they even understand.. hahaha.. so.. 1st thing I said was what I learned from the comercials which is...
JLoh says : Savatikaaa.. ( wrong spelling of course )
Thais says in shock : SAwatika !
then I'm like.. shoot.. that's all I noe.. haahhaha..
then their like looking at me wondering what's the next thing I'll say.. I'm like.. okay..
I'll just remain silent.. at least that's the only thing I can do right?
oh wait.. so.. as I reached the airport.. we ( mom me aunts ) walked around to get the cab.. n so sum1 was waving hard then we just went n got into the car in a speed of light cause it wasn't a parking area n da polices there were shoving them off..
so he was FRIENDLY.. to tell the truth.. THE WHOLE BANGKOK IS FRIENDLY !!
their just so nice ^^ * WIDE SMILE *
wait.. back to topic.. so .. our taxi driver , whose name was.. PIAK ..hhaahaha.. yes PIAK..
I was holding it back hard when I should have laughed like mad.. coz piak is like the sound of slapping ppl or sumthing.. anyway.. I hold it back n just tried to move away my concentration to sumthing else by looking out of the window of the car .
Next on.. as we reached Jason's ( my cousin) appartment.. I was so excited that I decided not to take a nap or rest n woo hoo ~! we head straight to the mall..
just a stone thrown away from the apartment were all the malls n shopping area..
so..1st stop Platinum Fashion Mall..
OMGOSH.. I nearly vomit cause of all the multi colours n theres like soooooooooooooo freaking many stores n so many floors.. I nearly gone mad just by finding my way out of all those clothes, accesories, shoes , belts , cosmetics . etc.etc.
ahah.. after 2 hours or more I figured out that I'm feeling tired not just because I'm walking the mall but walking the mall with BIG BAGS OF shoping stuff not mine but my aunts..
I'm da youngest among em so no doubt I was the human like lorry there..
so after that we went to Black Canyon coffee shop to hav our tea break just for me to ease my shoulder pain due to also bringing my large heavy bags with me while shopping coz Jason wasn't in so we had to bring our luggage along with us .. N trust me .. you will NEVER EVER want to try that..
Okay.. after all the shopping I thought that it was time to have some decent rest so we paddled back.. hehe... that's the 1st day!! =D

Saturday, October 04, 2008

With Mascara

Do I look Emo? hahaa.. * Evil laugh *
With Mascara ^ ^ ^ ^
Am I different with mascara on? tell me how I look.. haha

A Scary Experience I start off my holiday by goin back to my hometown which is lovely Kluang.. XD
well.. I went back with my cousin,Sam n my Gugu ^^ and as u noe.. I'm having PMR this year !! In an coincidence , Sam n I are in KT which is Technical for KH ..
And Oh Wow.. the 3 hour trip back to Kluang was the time that Sam n I had our long but fun study time.. why wud I consider it as fun? it's because da way we study is sumthing that not everyone could actually imagine..okay fine..I'll just give u an example..
1st Kepala Silinder.. ( A thing that calls itself a kepala but doesn't hav a head..) XD
aiya.. u can't imagine la.. hahha.. but if ur there.. u'll be laughing like mad..

Okay so after da 3 hour hot n long slow moving trip.. We finally got back!! Weee~ hehe.. 1st thing we did was of course.. giving everyone in Kluang a BIG BIG HUG!
Especially my jeje haha.. uncle Bae Lian n Auntie May .. Miss them so so much after the last time I got back from NZ ..
Last but Not Least.. EMILY N our new member of the family Ava Rose Yi Ran Lee Sang..
phew.. wat a long but special name ^^
Gave Em a big big hug.. then went to take a look at my angel-like niece Ava..
Oh my... she's just sooooooo sooooooo Cuteeee!!! She have rosy cheeks on both of her cheeks( just like Em ) n big eyes.. ahhh~! to think of that.. I'm starting to miss her now!!
Not to forget.. my dear Gong Gong Ah Mah.. I think they're so gonna miss my little niece when they go back to Japan.. hehe. =D
I feel like Flying to Nagoya now.. Apart from that.. I remembered I have another niece in Singapore .. haven't been able to visit her.. but I'm sure I'll be giving a visit soon after PMR.. Isabelle Here I Come ~!
hmm... oh okay.. da scary experience I was suppose to tell u all about..
Dang Dang Dang Dang..
On da way back from Kluang..
such a sad day.. 1st was to leave Kluang .. leave Ava Uncle Bae Lian Auntie May n EMILY.. oh.. and.. Thx to Emily n dear Auntie May.. I've got 3 new clothings .. I'm so touched that they actually brought me some stuff.. hehe.. happy~!

So when we're goin back .. Sam N I got tired.. so we decided not to study since we've been good girls which studied for many hours through the days in Kluang..
As we were having our beauty sleep in the car although it was hot..
Suddenly , I woke up in a shock cause my gugu actually gave me a firm grip on my arm.. making a seat belt like for my cousin as she was sitting between my gugu and I..
Sam and I was still in a blur case cause we just woke up from a deep sleep..
then only we noticed that our car Tyre hav been PUNCTURED!!!
Oh no ~!

Well I actually know that something would happened before due to my dejavu mind
haha.. Sam on the other hand had a dream being in a sandstorm while some guy told her to PUT ON UR SEAT BELT !! and so our car had a back tyre puncture..
I learn that actually tyre puncture is very dangerous for cars that are imbalance ..
It'll actually sway off the highway into the drain or eventually knock to the divider..but I'm lucky to learn that my car was in a good condition except for the tyre puncture of course..
so.. as Sam n I was finding a place that's safe to be waiting for PLUS to come n help repair our tyre puncture.. We were unaware of how dangerous it is to stand infront of the car.. because if any car that knocks my dad's car that is now at the side of the road.. it'll crush our bones..
Oh Well.. Praise The Lord that gave us wisdom n eyes to see n found a staircase like thingy that is going up the hill.. it's a drainage thingy I guess.. we sat there with nothing but our phone n a water bottle..
Not for long the PLUS guys came..
We were actually Terrified seeing the 2 PLUS guys running ACROSS THE HIGHWAY to our car.. but they were so helpful .. awww..I'm so touched..
after one n a half hour.. Our car is finally on the road again ! yay! Woo hoo~!
but ... how unlucky we were to find out there was a police car just behind us then beside us n asked us to stop..
He asked us why was our spare tyre in such a look which is Striped into pieces ..
we were like annoyed because we had just gone through a lot of trouble n now he's trying to get some money out of our pockets..He actually Insulted me because I forgotten to bring my IC along.. but come on ! everyone brought.. this is wat he said..
Police : Moi dari Thailand arhx?!
OHMYGOSH! that's so irritating ..
I told him.. in a loud voice..
well.. we don't intend of saying anymore since he's just trying to be a freak..
We went on to the nearest petrol station in a slow pace to get our tyre some air..
at the same time.. Sam and I was looking for free coffee.. n in luck..
A little booth caught my attention and in a sec I was screaming FREE COFFEE!!
haha.. so Sam and I RUSH to the booth with the board saying " Rehat Seketika"
and we were thrill to know that it was the last day to get free coffee..
hehe XD
while having coffee I saw some little kids having Milo packs in their hands.. As my curiousity grows.. Gugu asked the woman why are they milo packs ? can we have it too? she told us that it was just for kids but I was determine to get milo packs for Sam and I loved milo more than coffee.. so we tried to convince her in giving us the milo packs.. and MUAHAHAHAAAHHAHAAHA.. WE'VE SUCCEEDED ! Weee~!

hmmm.. after that we started to get Paranoid thinking of what happened to the tyre..

not for long we got home..
we took pictures of the hillarious looking tyre which is on the space of spare tyre
Exhausted we were .. n poor gugu had to drive back to her house in Damansara..
but we had fun through the days ^^ thank god we got back home safely..
Pictures will be uploaded after my PMR .. hehe
take care everyone..