Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Heartbroken T.T

Hmm.. today wasn't a good day for me..
in fact..
it was a terrible day.
Yup.. gray is the colour of my sky now.
I felt really sad about my maths this morning..
It was an uneasy feeling that I was gonna get bad results for it.
It was a turn over when it came to English essay.
I had more than enough time so I wrote 2 essays.
Somehow I thought that my essay wasn't that bad..
I thought I was expressing well enough to be proud of..
Seems not to dad though.
I whistle home with a happy tune , it's like my neck grew long to see how dad feels about my essay.
I thought he would say something like..
I don't expect him to say it's great or good..
but just hope that he appreciates it and ask me to work harder..
Ahah.. dream on girl..
He left me with my paper and harsh words that made my heart broke that instant.
At that moment, I was a little mad but more with sad.
I wanted to tore my paper into pieces .
but nevermind . that was bad enough for a day ehz?
wait ! look, there comes a larger wave at the back
I got a call from Hui saying that he wants to practice the songs for Sunday's church service, of course a pianist always have to say yes to him right?
You know what..
I'm getting old. haha. I'm starting to feel all pressured , why do I even care about death at this age? I'm laying in the chest of pressure , pressure from every corner are surrounding me.
so as I continue I went to church and okay yeah.. I should have been attending choir but I had to be the pianist for Sunday right? and this choir thing can wait for there won't be any performance anytime soon.
but wrong again !
what was waiting for me is teacher who was having some hard time and a really hard anger .
I knew walking in was a bad idea but I also know that you can always run but you can never hide from it. So I went in.
Guess what? Yeah ! you got it right. I got scolded.
Actually I only skipped once. what made it seem so wrong was because the week that I skipped was the week before she took 2 weeks off .
it seems as if she hadn't seen me in class for 3 WEEKS STRAIGHT which strike the anger in her.
no one knew what was hidden in the deepest core of my heart.
sorrow and depression float right up to my sight.
and it took this to another which is I performed really bad at practice..
I wonder what got into me that made me lost the spirit in me.
the spirit that treats all negative critics as positive and do better.
like I said. I'm getting old. I'm starting to feel, no matter how hard I try, I am never good enough for anyone. So why can't I stop trying?
Don't worry.. haha.. the lil cheerful humming bird in me won't leave me drowning in this pain.
but Oh god. Save me.
Heal my wounds will you ?
Heartbroken day.
An Awfully bad post.
A rough a hard day I had .
Challenges are killing me.
Come On, I'm a SURVIVOR ! XD
anyway, God bless all of them .
Although I'm hurting deep inside, god please bless them.
They just don't know how they hurt me.
I'm glad they didn't because if they did , I guess I'll be having even harder times.

1 comment:

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